Recently, I was in a situation where I had to hold two conflicting ideas in my mind for three weeks. I was amazed at how I handled the situation. Hey, all that psychology study seems to pay off 🙂
Previously, in situations like these, Boro would be super anxious and panic and start making many mistakes. This time, rather than panicking, Boro started with processing. It took three days to process the whole thing. This set the preparation stage for “fighting” it, rather than the usual “flight” response.
Something that really helped here is: Don’t avoid (flight) frustrations – face (fight) them. Or, as Fritz would say:
The child either grows up and learns how to overcome frustration or it is spoiled.
Facing frustration (i.e., two conflicting ideas in this case) is about being continuously aware of it. The technique in Gestalt is called the continuum of awareness – all gestalts (situations) demand completion and we shouldn’t carry uncompleted gestalts.
Be aware from second to second what’s going on.
It is easy to say “be aware”, but what does that mean? It is not easy to unpack, but mainly, it means focusing on your:
- Emotions – being in a state of confusion often causes mixed emotions, but it’s fine. Own and dance that mixture. It’ll clarify itself.
If you become aware each time that you are entering a state of confusion, this is the therapeutic thing. And again, nature takes over. If you understand this, and stay with confusion, confusion will sort itself out by itself. If you try to sort it out, compute how to do it, if you ask me for a prescription how to do it, you only add more confusion.
- Thought processes – What are you computing? What are you planning next? Do you need to take a short break? (cope-withdraw)
So, whenever you get bored or tense, always withdraw – especially the therapists among you. […] Withdraw to a situation from which you get support, and then come back with that regained strength to reality. [This cope-withdraw rhythm is so essential for life.]
- Behavior – E.g. projections. Sure, you’re frustrated, but is it really your best friend’s fault? No need to project it on other people, it’s your thing. You own it.
In regard to self-consciousness, we are not willing to take the responsibility that we are critical, so we project criticism onto others. […] One of the most important responsibilities is to take responsibility for our projections, re-identify with these projections, and become what we project.
The moral of the story is that self-hacking helped here. And the past, oblivious Boro who mostly focused on hacking the computer recently found a more interesting universe to hack – the self universe.
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